The Scrum Sucks Blog
...a place to freely bitch and complain about how much Scrum Sucks!

Scrum can be very distasteful at first which is why you have to run your Scrums in a way that accommodates your team yet gets things done. Here are some easy tips you can do as a Product Owner to keep down the lynching:
10. Don’t miss any daily meetings, they are being done for the benefit of you so cancel them if you aren’t going
9. Write clear PBL descriptions like your team wants to hear them, otherwise it just wastes everyone time later
8. Use 3 week sprints, with a week in between to prepare for the next sprint.
7. Don’t ever schedule a day long of meetings for your team
6. Have your Scrum Master work on tasks with your team so they don’t wonder what he does all day
5. Don’t ever tie team performance evaluations to any kind of Scrum metric
4. Be more concerned about very large estimates than short ones as that probably means the task is too large
3. Ensure you have the best priority for PBL items or else ask the team
2. Team members working on more than one task at a time do get more done
1. Don’t wast the team’s time

10. Leave an unfinished task for yourself to pick up for next sprint if you don’t want to get assigned one you don’t want
9. Cause meeting conflicts to happen with Scrum meetings so that you can miss the Scrum ones with a good reason
8. Always, always over estimate for anything you are asked which helps your velocity look great at the end
7. Don’t volunteer too much information, it just causes more work for you and everyone else
6. Work on Open Source, it will make you feel better
5. Pickup every Training opportunity or Conference trip to get away from the Daily Scrum Meetings
4. Find a way to add tasks to the PBL to justify adding team members
3. Write a Perl script on a Cron job to update your Sprint task hours daily
2. Have a backup plan for when your Organization collapses from Scrum
1. Start a blog

10. Your team will not care if Scrum fails for you
9. Your team will hate you but never tell you that
8. Scrum may appear to succeed but your team will leave before they tell you how bad it is
7. You will have difficulty retaining talented team members
6. Your team will become demoralized
5. You will have difficulty attracting talented team members
4. Your team will become demotivated
3. Your team will loose all imagination
2. Your team will feel like they are in Communist Russia
1. You will not understand why your team is no more productive

10. pick the easiest task you can on the list
9. find something to do with all your free time
8. stretch out all estimates to take longer than they should
7. take off hours each day so it looks like you are working
6. going to your daily standup is more important than anything any work
5. write off days with Sprint review or planning as wasted
4. don’t work on anything unless it is on your list
3. spending time with your Scrum team is more important than any work
2. there are no consequences for not finishing on time
1. don’t ever miss meetings doing actual work