The Scrum Sucks Blog
...a place to freely bitch and complain about how much Scrum Sucks!

10. pick the easiest task you can on the list
9. find something to do with all your free time
8. stretch out all estimates to take longer than they should
7. take off hours each day so it looks like you are working
6. going to your daily standup is more important than anything any work
5. write off days with Sprint review or planning as wasted
4. don’t work on anything unless it is on your list
3. spending time with your Scrum team is more important than any work
2. there are no consequences for not finishing on time
1. don’t ever miss meetings doing actual work

I’ll go into these later, but here are the Top 10 things I just really hate about Scrum:

10. Burn down charts
9. Having to estimate everything
8. Roles people play
7. Sprint review
6. Sprint planning
5. Daily meetings
4. Tracking hours
3. Tracking tasks with a PBL (Product Backlog List)
2. Only working on one thing at a time
1. Not a good use of time

I am so tired of all those that just love this new thing called Scrum. For those that don’t know what Scrum is, you are not missing anything, except maybe a headache or two. Scrum is this crappy way of doing things in your project. From those that profess its love, it can be used on any kind of project so context here is not really important.

Scrum came out of this crap called Agile. I don’t know why this is so popular. Where the execs just looking for a cool new buzword and stopped at “A” in the dictionary? I guess Agile is so popular because it allows everyone who participates the ability to deflect responsibility and point fingers at others to blame when time comes in a much easier way than before. In theory the entire team should fail when things go wrong, but in reality that doesn’t happen.

What are the basics? Well, for starters there are these God Damm daily status meetings. Then there are these horrible day long meeting for planning and to recap the previous Sprint, or development milestone. After all that, the manager gets to make pretty graphs of their teams progress to show the higher ups because during the daily meetings, hourly progress is captured. Pretty soon, everyone just works to make the graphs look good instead of what really needs to be done but that’s okay, because the team never really fails.

Oh, is this still the first post? Geez, this will be a long blog…